1. |
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Grow closer to someone farther from the other
Try to find a balance and break my mental habits
Daydream my life away
Get mad at myself for thinking those things
I need to rinse the dirt away
Know I’m still me underneath all of the stains of my past mistakes
Give me a life that’s boring as long as it’s beautiful
All those that we lost along the way died happy
Knowing that we’d always be okay
As long as we’re together
We said we chose forever
I’m in it for the long haul
I know you’ll catch me if I fall
Well I hope you’re ready because I’m always worried that I’m gonna fall
I’ve got this black ring around my bathtub
Not from the water
From all my troubled thoughts
The last few years were at best tough
But we can say that we got the job done
As long as I don’t create any more problems
I don’t deserve you
I don’t deserve love
Give me a life that’s boring as long as it’s beautiful
All those that we lost along the way died happy
Knowing that we’d always be okay
As long as we’re together
We said we chose forever
I’m in it for the long haul
I know you’ll catch me if I fall
Well I hope you’re ready because I’m always worried that I’m gonna fall
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2. |
Pelican Pen
03:41
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I need to talk this out but I can't trust anyone
This is something I wish I could run away from
It keeps coming back and staring me in the face
This isn't something from which I can be saved
Start forming the words erasing what I might say
I can't leave a trace
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
I no longer make decisions based on my own self-interest
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
I no longer make decisions based on my own self-interest
If I push it out, maybe it'll fall away
And I won't have to worry
But that's never how this will resolve
In seven years you’ve washed away serenity
I never thought that you’d pull the rug out from under me
You can’t find your footing or a way to resolve
But if you don’t find your way, then take me down in your fall
We never got to see our stars align
We lost the time
But I made a choice and I own it as mine
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
I no longer make decisions based on my own self-interest
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
I no longer make decisions based on my own self-interest
If I push it out, maybe it'll fall away
And I won't have to worry
But that's never how this will resolve
Maybe I’ll see you breathing out the city skyline
Your hands blue like winter and your face red as fall
Maybe I’ll wake up in a different year, a different time
I’ll wait for the summer but in spring you’ll be gone
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
It’s time to go, I’ll take you home
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
It’s time to go, I’ll take you home
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
It’s time to go, I’ll take you home
Do I think this wrong because you think it is?
It’s time to go, I’ll take you home
If I push it out, maybe it'll fall away
And I won't have to worry
But that's never how this will resolve
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3. |
We Could Be
03:02
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I saw you coming with my eyes wide open and your blue dress waving at me
Trying to process the lines in my head
Shakespearean liturgy
I guess I’m no good at love
And from what I can tell, the state of the world is fucked
I’m still biting my lip and praying I don’t draw blood
With every inch of my skin, I’ll make believe I’m gone
Don’t wait up for me
Maybe someday we could be
I saw you coming with my eyes wide open and your blue dress waving at me
Trying to process the lines in my head
Shakespearean liturgy
I’m really not losing sleep but I’d like to believe that I could be
I can imagine that someday
Yeah, someday, I’d love you
I’d love you
I’d love you
I’m not who you’d call into work for
(I’d love you)
I hate to admit to myself I want more
Maybe someday we could be
Maybe someday we could be
Maybe someday we could be
If I could love you
(Maybe someday we could be)
If I could love you
(Maybe someday we could be)
If I could love you
(Maybe someday we could be)
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4. |
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I made promises to you for two years
You were in the back of mind
Just waiting for the right time
Finally you came back home and I let you into mine
You spent so many nights asleep on my couch
Prepping you for interviews and talking about our future too
I was excited to be doing what we wanted in the city
It was always supposed to be you and me
Then you got hit hard
You lost the way to hear for a while
But we picked you up and carried you through
When you didn’t think you’d make it to the next day
You made a wager where the consequence would leave me behind
And you’d still be unhappy just like I know you’ll be
When you realize this song is about you
I want to pull you aside and selfishly say
Don’t do this to me
You’re the only friend I really tease because you do the same to me
But this joke’s gone too far
I know you’re worried about your scars
I’ll still hold you like I did on your birthday
And tell you it will be okay
And you’d still be unhappy just like I know you’ll be
When you realize this song is about you
I want to pull you aside and selfishly say
Don’t do this to me
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5. |
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Fast friends but now it’s unnerving
Thought our talks were only friendly
Until you started acting like you wanted more from me
Did you forget that I had promised myself to another?
You tore apart my comfort in this place that I call home
I was almost too scared to write this down
Or even say anything out loud
But the line was crossed
And I know it’s not my fault that you fucked this up
It’s clear I can’t have normal things
I want to believe what you say
Because people went to bat for you
But now they’re not sure they ever knew you
We used to talk every day
The moment you got found out
You chose to go away
What am I worth anyway?
I was almost too scared to write this down
Or even say anything out loud
But the line was crossed
And I know it’s not my fault that you fucked this up
Maybe I should have just lied to everyone
(Maybe I was wrong)
And at some point you would have given up
(Go write it in a song)
Maybe you’ll get a song out of it too
(Maybe I will too)
Singing about your blues and what they make you do
It’s not fair that you’ll get something from it
When all that I wanted was just your friendship
It’s not fair that you’ll get something from it
When all that I wanted was just your friendship
I want you all to stop being shortsighted
I want to once again feel lighthearted
All that I want is to just forget this
Move on to forgiveness
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6. |
Exhausted
04:44
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I’m sorry if I made you miserable
The last words I said to you
But you’re the one accountable for all the shit you put me through
I see your face everywhere
Your depression hiding grin
All the times you made me smile now seem full of bad intentions
I see your face everywhere
Your depression hiding grin
All the times you made me smile now seem full of bad intentions
I’m in stages of grief but ones that I can’t name
The only thing I know right now is how much I hate your name
Are we not talking anymore now that I’m not your secret?
How long were you planning to keep it?
How long would you have kept me hidden?
How many more men will I be afraid of running into?
I’m constantly scanning rooms
Planning out escape should I have to
Trust has become doubtful to me
When can I be comfortable just being me?
You’ll never understand why this is so exhausting
If you decide to leave
The choice you made was taking choices from me
I’m finally feeling more at peace
Not ‘cause you did anything
Your only effort was in excuses
How many more do you have?
I saw right through them all
You’re only worried about your downfall
You’re not worried about me at all
You’re not worried about me at all
You’re not worried about me at all
You’re not worried about me, but you should be
That’s all I needed to figure you
I may be the only one
I hope there’s been no other ones
God, there’s been so many of us
I was wrong to have chosen forgiveness
Now I don’t think you’ll learn this lesson
But this is something that won’t be forgotten
(We will cross the line through space and time)
Don’t you forget this
(Where respectful men show respect divine)
Don’t you forget this
(And those who fail to fucking fall in place)
Don’t you forget this
(Will be rejected, ridiculed, while they chastise race)
Don’t you fucking dare forget this
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7. |
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I still reach for my glasses on the nightstand a month after I threw them away
It just goes to show how long it takes to get used to changes
Even the ones that you choose to make
I had very bad luck on Halloween
I didn’t want to try to pretend to be happy
Once you make a mistake, even if you apologize
You won’t look the same in someone’s eyes
I’ll write out how mad I am at you on the train
It’s where I do my best thinking
The conductor was wearing a mask for the day
And I was struck by fear at how much I can relate
I realized I wear a fake face
Hide the real me ‘cause I’m ashamed
Who are we if not our thoughts?
Or does the doubt make us strong enough to fight off what hides underneath
God, I hope so because right now I feel so fucking weak
I want to be better
Could you find yourself between my lines?
Anyone can if they try, but it’s no use
I’m more selfish than I seem
I don’t really sing about anyone but me
My head’s underwater with my nose up to breathe
I lay there an count my self-centered heartbeats
The same blood will always pump through me
And that thought alone was so terrifying
And how can I change if I can’t be different in every single way?
My head’s underwater with my nose up to breathe
I lay there an count my self-centered heartbeats
The same blood will always pump through me
And that thought alone was so terrifying
And how can I change if I can’t be different in every single way?
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