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Pelafina 64

by Pelafina

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1.
When I stepped outside, a hole opened up in the sky Lake Michigan was trying to fight the land Each raindrop a voice in my head To get itself back to its older shore Back to the way things had been before I didn't fight my storm and you shouldn't fight yours Don't wait for me to weather the storm Don't wait for Don't wait for me to weather the storm Don't wait for Keeping this at bay doesn't keep it away Embrace this time of need Maybe you could change for the better If not for you then for me I could spend my time trying to convince you Your brain knows I'm right But your heart is scared to admit that it's true You're so you, not going down without a fight Don't wait for me to weather the storm Don't wait for Don't wait for me to weather the storm Don't wait for
2.
It's been six years In another five will I be fine? Will I have a child who has your eyes, your smile, your laugh? Will they be a track to the past? Playing the traits of you I haven't seen in a while Though I carry them inside This is how I keep you alive This is how I keep you alive This is how I keep you alive You're a ghost inside The fall of 2015 was the longest I remember in my history It's like all the bad weather had someone else to bother My hands didn't hurt My lungs weren't cold And I came to terms with growing old Discovered happy is something I can choose whenever I want to This is how I keep you alive This is how I keep you alive This is how I keep you alive You're a ghost inside This is how I keep you alive This is how I keep you alive This is how I keep you alive You're a ghost inside
3.
I think back a few years ago Bonfires every night Dating a guy I didn't like I felt like an orphan But I had friends And that's all I ever had During the summer of 2011 Just give me July 75 and sunny skies Mornings at the beach Nights screaming so loud I can barely speak Just give me July 75 and sunny skies Mornings at the beach Nights screaming so loud I can barely speak Nights screaming so loud I can barely speak Now that it's 2015, I find myself wondering Things do change fast here Am I in the clear to waste away another year? No, no, no, I've got a gun loaded with chance And no idea how to use it So just give me July 75 and sunny skies Mornings at the beach Nights screaming so loud I can barely speak Just give me July 75 and sunny skies Mornings at the beach Nights screaming so loud I can barely speak Nights screaming so loud I can barely speak Nights screaming so loud I can barely speak Just give me July 75 and sunny skies Mornings at the beach Nights I'll always remember cause you were with me
4.
Wasting the depths of me You pour out your heart but you dangle a string tonight So stay on your own side It's killing me softly with every breath you hide Don't say that you mean it and waste my time You've got the pieces of me Another falsely accused fucking heartless decree But don't you say you never meant a thing It's not just you that couldn't fall asleep Oh, what a thing to say You know I'd never say half the things on my mind You can't make me want it You can't even want yourself So give me something to fight on, something to write about You've got the pieces of me Another falsely accused fucking heartless decree But don't you say you never meant a thing It's not just you that couldn't fall asleep As I lay myself down to rest, I respond to the confinement of my bed and wipe away every fucking lie and deceitful thing you've ever said from my mind. That tossing and turning you feel me do when you're pressed against my chest comes from a lack of honesty and resentment that you've forced me to bury away. I'm too young for this at 24.
5.
I made us coffee in the morning as my way of saying sorry When I looked back on warmer days When my eyes could easily hold your gaze Now it's not the same We silently admitted our wrong ways Laying in my bed, when I reached for your hand I said, "I love you," and added, "as a friend" And your breath paused And we chose to believe it Now I hardly see you It's not just cause I'm in Chicago I wanted you to be more than a senior summer stamp And stay in my memory How can we both confide our problems without triggering the other's? How can I pick us both up off the ground? How can we push and pull the right amount? When do your problems stop being mine? Can I separate our lives? No, I don't want to I don't want to I said, "I love you," and added, "as a friend" And your breath paused And we chose to believe it Now I hardly see you It's not just cause I'm in Chicago I wanted you to be more than a senior summer stamp And stay in my memory I'm not a bad person for trying to kill my sadness
6.
Born with urges I can't control I try to hide it but I know you can see right through me Yeah, you can see right through me Questions were answered Ones I never asked anyway I need to bury the past like every filter in your ashtray I've got her poor choices Running through my blood It started 24 years ago It ends right here where we're starting from I get this way day to day I was born with it But I'll fight it Because I'm better than this, at least I hope so I'm convinced there's something wrong with me Is it something I'm inventing? I was told what she did with me at a time when I was weak With family I see every 52 weeks Imagine 36 for 2 Imagine those Baby Blues I hope I grew to be enough for you I've got her poor choices Running through my blood It started 24 years ago It ends right here where we're starting from I get this way day to day I was born with it But I'll fight it Because I'm better than this, at least I hope so Tonight my weak side showed I made sure I was alone With a match to light the spark I had a guide in the dark Tonight my weak side showed The weakest side I know I made sure I was alone I put myself there, I know With a match to light the spark And it didn't show me anything I had a guide in the dark I'm better this, at least I hope so

credits

released October 14, 2016

Pelafina is Katie Steel-Thomas, Tyler Bachman, Troy Sennett, and Dan Bretz.

Recorded and mixed by Troy Sennett in various houses and apartments around Illinois.

Artwork by Hannah Mathis.

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Pelafina Chicago, Illinois

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